How I Spent My Winter Vacation

At the end of November 2008, I was riding around with my friend Huong in her car. We were going to go somewhere and recite a Sutra and talk about it, but first we picked up my paycheck and cashed it. Then while we were driving she said, “there is this Vietnamese temple, do you want to see it?” And I was like a little nervous because I am an American and I thought the people there would think I was pretty weird, but I said yes anyway. When we pulled up to the front of the temple, I could hear this wonderful sound, that was strange yet familiar to me all at once. The sound of wooden fish and chanting. So I jumped out of the car and I think Huong had to run after me... because that sound just called to me. So we were invited in and we sat down and listened. She doesn't read Vietnamese, and I of course was just totally clueless. Then after the recitation, the monks and the nuns invited us to have dinner with them. All the fear that I had about going there was completely gone because Thay said this is your home. And I felt completely at home because everyone was making jokes and smiling.

I couldn't stay away from that sound, so I started coming every day after my extremely boring job as a file clerk. The first weekend I stayed there for the whole weekend, it was so awesome. I had to learn how to say Amitabha in Vietnamese. At first I thought it sounded really funny, and I didn't have enough practice to fight off an extreme case of the giggles. I thought, “that Buddha! is just really a comedian!” I went around and asked like a dozen old ladies how to say it, and eventually I think I learned how to do it. After the first weekend, when I went to work, I was so sore in my legs that it was hard to bend over the filing cabinets, but I was so happy that my coworkers wondered what happened to me. On November 30th, 2008 at 6:00 a.m. My mother's 58th birthday, I took refuge at Chua Phat To and the old monk gave me the name Thanh Vi (miracle).

After that, I came all the time and I was really happy to hear that there was going to be a retreat at the temple. So I let go of the job that I had as a file clerk, and I started working my own schedule as an expediter for the Internet corporation Chacha.com. But it seemed like the new job was kind of progressing slowly, so put in more time to practice reciting the Buddha's name. A course of events happened that really took away every excuse I had for not attending the retreat. They might seem bad, but miracles always happen in the midst of (seemingly) unfortunate circumstances.

At the beginning of the retreat, I almost wanted to run away, but the monks kind of stopped me just as I was about to exit the stage. It was difficult being the person that stood out from the crowd, it was kind of like being in a fish tank or a tight rope walker with the spot light on me. But I just tried my best to be mindful of the Buddha and forget myself, and when I couldn't make it, Thay and the monks helped me out. I am extremely grateful to them. We had this Jingle Bells song we would sing so many times a day! It was slightly modified from the original, but I would always remind myself to stay single minded reciting the Buddha's name, like a sleigh with just one horse. And that it was really fun too!

The last night of the retreat was so awesome. So many wonderful things happened. It would be hard to explain them all. We started the evening by bowing around the temple. At first I didn't think I would make it, and I stood in the back of the room feeling really nervous. Suddenly felt like I had a lot of energy, so I decided to give it a shot. As I was bowing around the parking lot, I kept asking myself Why? Why? What am I doing here? As I listened to the sounds of the city around me I heard the cars, and the people walking by. I saw lights in the windows of the apartments around us, and I thought about the people inside the houses. I thought well, if I can do this, then anyone can, and maybe I can inspire others to try to learn this method of Dharma that has given me a lot of happiness. I remembered this poem written by Tsem Rinpoche, a Tibetan Dharma Master:

For all those who have never
even heard the word Dharma
I go on this journey, because I care,
and cannot bear to see their pain
any longer.

To connect them with
the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha,
I rejoice in any difficulties and problems, and
absorb them for the benefit of all.

So by just reciting that over and over in my head, and by thinking about the kindness of Thay and the other Dharma Masters, I got through to the end of the prostrations. As we approached the door, I heard applause as people were entering the sanctuary. As people came in, everyone was applauding them for coming this far. How far and to where exactly I wasn't sure, it seemed like I had entered the Pure Land as I bowed through the door. As I bowed through the doors, everyone was applauding so loudly for me that I was moved to tears. Because I know that I could not have made it through that door with out all of their support and love as well. And I felt very grateful to them as well as the Dharma Masters. After the ceremony I told Thay “thank you, tonight my life had purpose.”